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Sunday, April 13, 2008

Duck, you're being shot at and other silly musings


So Hillary Clinton announced in a meeting that as a little girl she had learned to shoot and gone hunting ducks with her dad.

"As I told you, my dad taught me how to shoot behind our cottage,” she said. “I have gone hunting. I am not a hunter. But I have gone hunting."

Clinton said she has hunted ducks.
Take that all you namby-pamby elitist urban liberals who have zero experience with gun powder. Bang, bang, bang! You're dead.

Ah, but has she handled wriggling earth worms, semi-live cockroaches and frogs? Has she gently transported beetles and spiders to the safety of the great outdoors from their unsafe locations indoors? These are examples of questions to be asked of a future president- not whether they learned to point and shoot guns at farm-raised quail ,ducks, deer or lawyers' faces.

Press reporter: Eek, there's a rat running about the room.
All (except candidates at podiums) : [screaming, jumping up on the chairs... pandemonium.]
Hillary: Get a rattrap...No...Get me a gun. I'll take it out.
McCain: [waking up from his snooze] What the h__'s going on here? [nods off again]
Obama: Uh..I need to make this point. Let's have the judgement to locate the rat first before jumping up on chairs and shooting at random feet.

......

Extending the courtesy to those who refused to enter the presidential sweepstakes and those who dropped out.
Gore: The scientific consensus is that this rat's a climate refugee. Global warming has caused the climate change that is driving the rat from its natural habitat into crowded press conferences. We are morally bound to try and reverse this state of affairs.
Kucinich: [Buddha-like expression, bends down] Here, Ratty, ratty! Let me get you out of this noisy place to a nice garden.
Edwards: As I've mentioned, my father was a mill-worker and had to deal with many a rat in the house when he was young. I have the experience and passion you need in a president to deal with rats in press conference rooms.
Biden: McCain will sleep on the job. I won't.

Huckabee: [Waves a sharpened pencil around] Heck, where I come from, we use pencils to skewer 'em. Rat meatballs make an excellent addition to soup.
Giuliani: A rat in the room: we need to go after it like we hunted down the perpetrators of 9/11. I'm the only one in the room with experience dealing with terrorists like this rat.
Romney: [looks miffed with all the attention the rat has been getting, but not a hair is out of place] McCain supported the rat in his speech that he gave last time. Now he is contradicting himself. [smiles the plastic smile to show off his perfect teeth]

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