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Sunday, November 9, 2008

The Return of Fluffy

Now that we can stop obsessing over the elections and push polling and electoral vs. popular vote counts, it's time to jump to the next thing all haggard moms planning the Thanksgiving and Christmas get-togethers need: A generous dose of me-time and an under $1000 shot of Radiesse to perk up those sagging chins.

Seriously, according to this columnist:

You deserve to look and feel fabulous. With so much to do during the holidays, in addition to hard economic times, is there a way to achieve fabulous? Of course.
THE PRICEY STUFF
We are not talking extremes here. During the holidays you don't want to try any type of cosmetic surgery with long recovery times. You want to be able to attend all the holiday functions rejuvenated, not swelling, bandaged and poor. How do you tell your children that Santa can't come this year because mommy has one less chin ? Depending on your budget, there are a lot of options.
For those willing to spend less than $1,000, Radiesse may be the answer. Radiesse is a dermal filler for the cosmetic treatment of facial wrinkles and creases, stimulating the body to produce additional collagen and volume.
Right, the economy is going down the drain, but you can plump up the chin (and the pocketbooks of those dermatologist and/or cosmetic surgeons) by shelling out the greenbacks.

Have no moolah to spare for those pricey injections? Then you can use the following tip:

Before you throw it down the drain, use leftover wine at the bottom of your holiday glasses to make your skin flawless. Spread the wine (can be red or white) over your face, leave on for 10 minutes, then gently wash off with water. Your skin will tingle. The acid in the wine will act as a peel and take off dead layers of skin.
Wow, no money for injections, but money for wine evidently. Will this technique work with dregs from a can of beer for the truly budget minded?

(It does remind me of an old women's magazine I read a long time ago, where the standard 'beauty tip' ran thus- "Take a rotten (tomato, cucumber, papaya, mango....etc.), crush it and mix with yogurt and apply to the face for 10 minutes and wash off."
This was before the advent of important sounding 'alpha-hydroxy lipoic acids derived from natural fruit' as the prime ingredient of all those yummy colored lotions and potions in tasteful pastel bottles.)

If even beer or wine is out of the budget, consider the following alternatives : Fasting, exercising and Kegels while standing in long shopping (or Food Bank) lines, guaranteed to cleanse your body and flatten your stomach. The columnist assures you that you will fit into that slinky ball gown like a banana fits in a banana skin (Sorry, wrong analogy for a person supposed to be fasting.)

And now for the piece de resistance:

Breathe -- yes, breathe. It will calm the body and give you more energy. K_ R_, co-owner of B_Yoga Studio, offers a selection of classes specifically designed to relieve holiday stress. All classes begin with seated meditation, and you can even become liberated through yoga by candlelight.

Talk about fluffy articles- just as we were exhorted to shop to defeat the terrorists, now all we need to do is focus on facelifts to lift up the flailing economy!

8 comments:

Lekhni said...

I've heard of some raw vegetables being good for the skin, but do they have to be rotten? :)

I don't know whom to blame more - columnists who write this stuff, or the women who avid;y read this stuff and then go and get Radiesse or Botox or whatever..

Sujatha said...

The key word in those 'beauty tips' was most definitely 'rotten': Consider that any frugal housewife would have used the good veggies in her avial and koottan or whatever, leaving only the 'azhukina' vegetables in the basket. (It was a Malayali periodical, that I laboriously pored over, not being very good at deciphering fast enough).
I was more annoyed by the tone of the article than its contents. Had it offered all these with a healthy dose of tongue-in-cheekiness, I may have just enjoyed the laugh, but the deadly seriousness of some of these suggestions and the realization that there could be several women rushing off to the nearest spa or skin center to religiously follow these instructions was a bit too much to bear.

Sujatha said...

Ah! Finally able to comment! The last few times, tried with no success. Now let me think of something to say. :)

Sujatha said...

Was there a problem with the commenting? I wasn't aware of it till you commented, Sujatha.
My mother's been complaining about not being able to access the blog too, I think that Blogger may be having some hiccups.

kochuthresiamma p .j said...

a malayali periodica ?

Sujatha said...

@Kochuthresiamma:

Yes, it might have been Vanitha or something similar, don't recall the name. I gave up trying to read women's magazines soon after that, no matter which language ;)

Sujatha said...

Yeah, had been trying to comment on the Hillary post. I think I will for ever regret not going to see her concession speech here.

Sujatha said...

There's a poignancy about concession speeches, I think I liked McCain's much better than most other stump speeches of his that I heard, barring the Alfred E. Smith dinner roast.