Sunday, November 29, 2009

Inside a Cult

It's been a while since I provided an investigative reports of any kind. So here it is - an incisive, close look at the inner workings of a demonic cult. The Cult of the Snuggie.
You might have seen the ads on the TV, in unguarded moments, when your defenses are down ( worse than the Steelers in the 2009-2010 season), when it shows smiling people clothed in blue or red strangely soft-looking robes that go on backwards, as they plunk themselves down in front of the TV with books in hand, or popcorn bowls or remotes. It's the blanket that has arms.
I fell prey to this siren song, and found myself gravitating strangely to the piles of blue boxes arranged neatly at the store. This was as I desperately cast about for a gift for my husband's birthday. A voice kept sounding in my head, and I, zombie-like, heeded it and carried the box of the Snuggie to the cash register.
The same voice later instructed me to purchase a Steelers' logoed polo shirt and pants. I suspect that may have been residual Snuggie conditioning in action, and surely has something to do with their so-far lousy and jinxed performance on the field this year.
My husband recoiled in horror at the evidence that I had fallen prey to the cult, and refuses to touch the robe, if he can. It sits gathering dust on a side table, except when S decides to borrow it.
M took one look at it and wanted to try it on, but it was too large for her. I promised to hunt around for the kid version of the robe, the Snuglet. Since I couldn't find one, I walked into the local fabric store, picked up a yard of remnant fleece and found a suitable pattern with which to construct one for her. It took a little bit of creative piecing for the sleeves, but looks and functions perfectly fine.
Yesterday, as I roamed the aisles of the Kmart, I chanced upon a display stand for the Snuggies. Completely empty. The cult of the Snuggie is spreading insidiously. (These were on sale for $9.99, and evidently borne away by the rampaging hordes who stood in line for hours before entering the store in the wee hours of the morning.)

---- (special undersnuggie report from the halls of Snuggiedom by Sujatha)--------


Lekhni said...

I noticed too, that it seemed to feature prominently in every catalog I got in the mail. Are marketers betting that in a recession, people will buy a Snuggie rather than turn the heat up this winter? That would be a wise choice, if it does happen.

Sujatha said...

These are the must-have gifts of the season, go out and buy one before they vanish from the store shelves, Lekhni!

(What can I's a cult that I'm ensnared in, after all! Help!)