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Wednesday, March 24, 2021

The Inanity of Headlines

 Every morning, I click on the News app, and am instantly confronted with a thousand, truly awfully- written, canned headlines. What to do? Writing itself is becoming a lost art, let alone headline writing. These days, all it takes is attending some online course or reading influencer blogs on how to generate the best click-bait 'content' possible, and you're transformed into the newest Guru Grab-the-Eyeballs!

'What to Know about how the Colorado shooter purchased his gun'

'The 10 Best Ways to Get Stuck in a Cage at the US Border'

'We Need to Talk about Why You are Not Interested in getting a Covid Vaccine'

'Eleven Reasons Why The Suez Canal is Blocked'

'Here's how to Panic at the Carcinogens in your hand sanitizer'

' Major Biden has major psychotic attack!- It's not as Scary as it sounds'

 "How Often Should you Breathe in order to live your best life?"

Said no headlines ever. 

That said, when even regular news headlines ('House caught on fire on Treewood Dr' get morphed into the clickbait-y 'Why is 43 Fire Company out with all their Alarm Bells ringing, it's because-'), and the same idea starts to get applied to the national news instead of just the lifestyle columns, it becomes too much to tolerate.

Somewhere, I suspect, creeps a semi-sentient AI, collating all the headlines into a giant data pile, from which it will pull-out and generate endless fake news items to feed the public's addiction to the internet. 

One Headlinator to Rule Them All!